It's been less than a week since Warner Bros. revealed the villains in the next Batman film to be Catwoman (played by Anne Hathaway) and Bane (Tom Hardy). Catwoman we're all familiar with, but, for those of you not in the know, Bane is a former Latin American prisoner fueled by "Venom," a potent steroid that calls to mind a resemblance to late 90's Mark McGwire.
I figured I'd use this as an opportunity to get my plot predictions out there early, that way if I'm wrong, my incorrectness will simply fade away into the vast echo-chamber that is the blogosphere, but if I'm correct, deity-status will be bestowed upon me within the comic book community (which is kinda like being a four-foot guy in midgetville, but I digress...)
So here's what I'm thinking: Bane is most famously known as the man that broke Bruce Wayne's back (literally snapped him over his knee like Bo Jackson's bat after a strikeout), so that's just what he'll do. Yes, Christian Bale will be wheelchair-bound shortly after the first act break. He'll be just like the Big Lebowski, only the loss of his legs will be credited to a steroid-induced freak instead of that "Chinaman" in Korea.
During his rehab, Catwoman will emerge as another vigilante, but Gotham will fall deeper in turmoil without that sweet brand o' Bat-Justice they've become so accustomed to. Right before the third act, Bruce will walk again, a la former New York Jet Dennis Byrd, and return to kick butt and close out the trilogy.
You've heard it here first: the "Rises" in the title has to do with rising from a wheelchair, which is definitely the hardest type of "rising" on the "rising scale" (which goes from "bread" to "wheelchair," in case anyone asks...)
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