Mercy Mercy Me > What's Going On?

In the canon of Gaye (very different than the "canon of gays"), I enjoy this little diddy to his more popular socially-conscious one.

On the same token, (and this is a VERY unpopular opinion) I think Clapton's "I Shot the Sheriff" > Marley's.

That is all.

Songs we should NEVER have to hear again Part 2

"Hey Soul Sister" Train - I know, quite a bold statement for one of last night's Grammy winners, but hear me out:

Besides the incessant, repetitive and annoying onomatopoeic chorus, this song should be disqualified for future play merely for ripping off another hit, "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz. Compare for yourselves below.

Exhibit A: 

And now the ripoff:

Y'see?

The only train I'm interested in

"I Will Survive" Gloria Gaynor - Now I don't necessarily consider this song bad or unlistenable, however it is EXTREMELY overplayed (especially at karaoke) and, more importantly IT IS A LIE. Yes, you heard right, the lyrics are completely false. Why? Because it's usually the guy who's fine after the breakup. Girls may flaunt their "okay-ness" in the form of song (another that comes to mind is Beyonce's "Single Ladies") but in reality it's not "I Will Survive," but "I Will Make the Next Man in My Life Pay For This By Becoming Really, Really Crazy."

"Pour Some Sugar On Me" Def Leppard - All in all, I just think this song just plain sucks. To all you Leppard-proponents out there... even if you find it a little bit catchy you must admit: it is very, very STUPID. Add to that an uber-simplistic beat (here's a thought: your drummer loses an arm, how about FIRING him??) and it's clearly overstayed its welcome in the sonic realm.

Show a little respect

"It wasn't what ya said, it was the way ya said it..."

--Old Feminist Proverb

I'm not suggesting that Bill O'Reilly was unfair, or operated with a subversive agenda, nor that this was "gotcha journalism," as one of my (cough) "favorite" people might say. What I do believe is that Mr. O'Reilly treated Barack Obama as though he were any other person... and not the PRESIDENT of the UNITED STATES.

Maybe if you've known the guy for awhile (call him "Barry," go back long ago to your days in Kenya together--oops!) it might be appropriate to: 

• interrupt him

• step on his sentences

• tell him there are those in the American public who "hate him" (as if he hasn't heard)

• or ask questions authoritatively, not inquisitively 

...in a private setting. When you have the honor of interviewing the Commander in Chief on live television, you treat him with the utmost respect, whatever you may think of him at the time.

Now it is fair to say that this very well may be the utmost respect Bill O'Reilly is capable of showing; there's no evidence to suggest otherwise at this time. Still, it is my belief that George W. Bush was hands down the worst president in history (so much so that I think there's no one capable of doing a worse job) and admittedly HATE him (still, push comes to shove, I'd probably have a beer with the guy), however I wouldn't dare treat him like THAT if I were his interviewer. All that integrity and I'm not even a journalist!

Let me reiterate: I make no claims of any ulterior motives of Bill O'Reilly to damage or expose the president with his interview. He just thought it more appropriate to treat him like a commoner instead of a statesman.

An Equine-Alternative to your Shitbox

A good friend, Mr. William Hinton Wilder Anderson III, directed me to the clip above, and I couldn't be more grateful. Not only is the song downright hilarious, but, to put it in the parlance of WHWA3, the subtleties present themselves on the subsequent viewings. Translation: it gets funnier every time you watch it, much like Lebowski. Will was kind enough to provide the following equation determining their musical style:

(The Commitments + Michael Jackson)  =  The Rubberbandits

(Weird Al Yankovic x The Streets)

The "Rubberbandits" wear those masks to keep their anonymity, because apparently they vandalized something using the "Rubberbandits" moniker, then decided to expand their horizons into music, comedy, etc. Basically they'd get arrested if their identity was revealed. Kind of like a vulgar duo of Irish Banksies (is the plural of "Banksy" Banksies? Don't know how grammar applies to rogue artists).

For your viewing pleasure, I've provided a viewer's guide below of the video's most precious moments (with time-stamps, of course).

0:14 - A bald man with a shaved head and goatee with each arm around a girl has a teardrop tattoo, implying he's killed a man.

0:17 - Grey suit, lavender shirt, striped purple tie = very unhappy for some reason

0:25 - The Father of the Bride is just perfect

0:28 - They achieved critical mass with their degree of bridesmaid sluttiness.

0:32 - Same level of sluttiness for those not in the wedding party

0:38 - The "loose girls chew gum" theme starts to become apparent

1:18 - The lyric "if you're looking for a ride, I've a horse outside": uproarious if spoken, ten times that when sung

1:33 - The other Rubberbandit is massaging the Groom's shoulders

1:55 - The actor playing the priest gives an Academy Award-worthy performance in lip-synching "Fuck your Honda Civic"

2:39 - The bridesmaid's lip-synching here is a close second

2:46 - What's any song without a "call & response" part?

3:00 - It's not a party till the bridesmaids don horse-masks

3:27 - The wonderful illustration that a horse can never be booted by parking enforcement, followed shortly thereafter by the realization that a horse is probably better than any of those POS cars

****

I hope this was as enjoyable experience to all those reader(s) out there as it was to me.

P.S. For your pleasure, a 7-year-old photo of my aforementioned friend Will

Andy Pettite: Not a Hall of Famer

 

Andy Pettite announced his retirement today, and so the debate of his Hall of Fame credentials begins. I'm here to say there is no debate. His confession of using HGH aside, Andy Pettite is simply just NOT a Hall of Famer. The stats speak for themselves:


http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/p/pettian01.shtml 

The Pettite-proponents (say that 3 times fast) will point to his wins (240), his career ERA (3.88, which is mediocre by HOF standards at best) or his reputation as a "big game" pitcher. These may sound all well and good for those unnaturally enamored with Pettite (read: Yankee fans), but the fact of the matter is he's not even CLOSE.

He pitched for 16 seasons. Despite his aforementioned career ERA being below 4, he only had 7 seasons in which he posted an ERA of 3.99 or better. He didn't strike out many batters, never won a Cy Young Award, and led the league in a major category (wins) but once.

It's called the "Hall of Fame," not the "Hall of Very Good." Personally, Pettite was one of my favorite pitchers to watch. His motion was fluid and his intensity was unmatched. But neither of those things made him great.

 
If he spent his entire career in Kansas City, he wouldn't even be in the discussion for the Hall of Fame. He spent most of his career in New York, with two years in Houston, and he still isn't.

P.S. Guess what Yankee fans? Mike Mussina's not a Hall of Famer either.

Mark Zuckerberg: Worst Actor EVER

Seriously, I don't think there's ever been a worse example of delivering lines in all of human history. This includes any Ed Wood film, all the work in David Arquette's canon, and even my pre-school Thanksgiving play (and others like it) about the Pilgrims and Indians.

Awful. Even for a socially-awkward billionaire.